


Hopeless

by DetectiveLillyRush (starinhiding)



Category: Cold Case
Genre: F/M, Rape Recovery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-20
Updated: 2015-10-19
Packaged: 2018-04-27 05:03:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5034817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starinhiding/pseuds/DetectiveLillyRush
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything was hopeless. Lilly rush's whole situation has become hopeless</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hopeless

Disclaimer: I dont own any of them!

Lilly was somewhere she never wanted to be. Trapped in a place she couldn't escape from. She didn't know what else she could do. It was hopeless wasn't it? She'd try to keep fighting but it was becoming difficult. She missed her home, her cats, her squad. Her mind wandered to what they were doing right now. Were they looking for her? Did they miss her? She didnt even know anymore. She didn't want to think about them it was too painful. Almost as painful as never knowing what moment would be her last. As she thought about her death and the last words she said to all of them the ice filled her heart. Her blue eyes took on an even bluer hue. Impossibly blue. The door creaked open and Lilly's heart sank further and further. As the footsteps came closer she wished she was dead.

One day earlier  
"Okay. Hey, enough with the Ice Queen, Lil. Just hit me with it, all right." Scotty snapped. "I got nothing to say." Lilly said sharply. "What, you wanna drop this thing? Great, but you ain't dropping. You're giving me daggers all day long." Scotty yelled. "And you don't deserve that?" She yelled sarcastically. "Lil, I'm an adult. I don't need your permision to go out with someone." Scotty chastised. "It's not someone, It's my sister." Lilly fumed. She was angry, chris took patrick and now Scotty. Everyone in her life becomes tainted by her sister. "So what's that to you?" Scotty spoke sharply. He wasnt sure what to expect out of her. He was just so angry she had no right to tell him not to go near her sister. "You lied to my face." She shouted bitterly. Truth is she had another motive but she didn't want Scotty to know. "You asked in front of everybody. I'm gonna say with Vera and the boss right there? Yeah, yeah, Chris and me are stepping out." He was angry she had embarassed him. "Okay. You're right. Lying was the right thing." She replied partially admitting defeat. "I'm gonna see who I want, Lil." Scotty snapped. "Great. Great, god bless." Lilly shouted anger filling her voice. Scotty couldn't see how much it hurt her for him to be screwing her sister. "I can't help whatever happened 9 years ago." Scotty said harshly. Lilly blinked back tears in disbelief. She couldn't believe chris had told him. "She's trouble." Lilly said still in shock from what he had just said. Tears were pooling in her eyes. "Well, maybe to me, she's not." Scotty Said his anger dimishing slightly at the sight of her tears. "Fine, Scotty, but whoring it out with cocktail waitress won't bring back your dead girlfriend." Lilly bit back. She knew she had taken it too far but she was just so hurt she needed to hurt him back. She walked away from him after that. The tears began trickling down her face. She couldn't bear for him to see her cry, but it was too late Scotty had caught a glimpse of the tears even through his anger he still felt bad.  
Unbeknownst to both of them Someone else had seen and heard their little exchange someone who was after Lilly. Someone who wanted to make Lilly suffer even more than she already had.  
Scotty didn't know that this would be the last time he would speak to Lilly.....

Lilly was almost to her apartment. It was a cool crisp day quiet and strange. Lilly thought she heard a noise behind her so she stopped walking and turned to look. To her relief no one was there. She continued walking but this time she heard something right in her ear. "Tisk tisk Lilly" A man whispered followed by laughter. She recognized the voice. He grabbed her and held a gun to her side. "Come with me Lilly. I told you we would go hunting together, but first I have other plans for you." He whispered in her ear. She could feel his grin against her ear. "Hello George." Lilly said as a shiver ran up her spine. He shoved Lilly towards his car quickly tied her up and threw her in the backseat. Lilly wished she had suspected something earlier. She now realized a lot had been funny along the way home. The foot steps she heard behind her that she ignored and the shivers that made her blood run cold. She should have listened, but she didn't. 

Now she was trapped in this cold dark room. His footsteps were creeping closer in the dark. Finally he was standing right above her with her cell phone in his hand. "Let's have some fun Lilly." He said creeply. He dialed a number and put the phone on speaker. "Lil, I don't want to talk to you right now." Scotty's sharp tone still burning with anger. "Good. Lilly can't speak right now anyway." George said casually. "Who is this?" Scotty shouted into the phone concern evident in his voice. "I told her I'd take her hunting sometime." He said laughing. "George you son of a bitch if you hurt her i swear to god I'll hurt you." Scotty shouted. "Say one more thing Valens and I'll hurt her." George snapped. "Fuck you!" Scotty shouted before hearing the sound of flesh hitting flesh. Lilly groaned and whimpered. "Scotty Calm down. I'll be alright." Lilly whimpered. Even as she was saying it she didn't believe it. Scotty heard Lilly's voice breaking and cracking as she spoke. "Lilly we will be coming for you. I will find you!" Scotty whispered. "Enough talking detective valens It's time for me to have a little fun with Lilly. Goodbye" George said before hanging up. Scotty couldn't believe what he had just heard. He quickly called stillman and drove to police head quarters. 

"Strip." George ordered. Lilly had no choice but to obey. He had a gun and she didn't want to die. Lilly Stripped, she figured it would be so she could be hunted by him. George snicked, Lilly would be hard to break, but he knew just how to do it. "All the way." George said mockingly as Lilly had gotten down to her undergarmets. She hesitated before she saw the glint of gun metal. Once stripped all the way, Lilly glanced at george. He abruptly shoved her backwards onto his bed. Before she could react he climbed ontop of her. "I've been thinking of ways I could break you and I came up with this. It's not my usual M.O but your special Lilly." He muttered as he undid his fly. Lilly's worst fear was coming to life as george pulled down his pants and boxers.  
She could feel his member pressing against her thigh. He put the gun off to the side on a stand and almost dared her to reach for it. George reached between them and Lilly realized she had froze. "No!" She shouted and started kicking and pushing and hitting at him. George just laughed. Lilly tried twisting away from him, but he was too strong for her. Lilly groaned in pain as he quickly thrust into her.  
Lilly had never known a pain so bad on a emotional and physical level. George panted in her ear as he thrust in and out. Lilly shouted in pain and frustration as she repeatedly tried to hit and kick him off. She tried to reach for the gun, but failed as George slapped her across the face. Lilly fought and fought and couldn't get him off of her. All she felt was the overwelming pain and desperation to survive. Could she survive this? All of her thoughts turned to her squad. Even when George finished inside her and walked away laughing. Lilly hadn't noticed a thing. She was too busy hoping they would find her.  
Lilly couldn't believe what had just happened to her. Even when she was 10 she had never felt so hopeless after one action. She felt lost in a never ending dark spiral. Would she ever feel okay again? She couldn't be sure about that, but one thing she was completely positive about was the fact George knew what he was doing to her. He himself had been raped. He knew how she felt. Lilly gasped as she realized she really was going to die. George would kill her before she could ever tell Scotty how she felt. That she was sorry for what she had said and sorry for never opening up to him.  
He'd never seen the real Lilly. The scared little girl who didn't pretend she was invincible. Lilly had spent her whole life pretending she was so strong and when Scotty had said that be couldn't help what happened 9 years ago, he'd put a crack in her armour. For the first time in years she felt the real Lilly shinning through so she struck back hard and she regretted it. She regretted that she would never be able to tell Scotty that she was sorry. That's all she could think about even with the throbbing pain and the tears cascading down her cheeks.  
Back in the office Scotty was pacing back and forth. "He called me from her phone!" Scotty shouted. He was so angry as he stared at Stillman's grim face with Will and Nick standing nearby. "George has her! He... He told me they were going to go hunting... Boss he can't hurt her..." Scotty broke off when his voice became too overwhelmed with emotion. "Scotty, I'm going to have to ask you to calm down. We will find her." Stillman said with a determined tone. "After she's dead right?" Scotty snapped, tears filling his eyes. "No! We will save her! We can't let her down, I refuse." Stillman spoke sharply with an air of authority. "For her sake I really hope your right." Scotty whispered with angry in his eyes before he left the room and his thoughts turned to Lilly.  
Scotty couldn't help but wonder if she was okay right now or if George was hurting her. He really hoped it was the former. He prayed that she was okay and that she was remaining the strong beautiful goddess that she was. Little did he know Lilly was falling apart and it was worse than she ever had been in a long time.


	2. Hopeless 2

Scotty couldn't help but wonder if she was okay right now or if George was hurting her. He really hoped it was the former. He prayed that she was okay and that she was remaining the strong beautiful goddess that she was. Little did he know Lilly was falling apart and it was worse than she ever had been in a long time.

George smirked as he realized his plan was turning out perfect. They still didn't know where he or Lilly was and she was becoming a wilted flower. What did he mean by that? Lilly was getting weak and was becoming nothing but a shadow of her former self. That was only after assaulting her once! Yeah, his plan was perfect. George couldn't help but think of himself as a powerful hunter and now he was about to cause more problems for his prey.   
Lilly was awoken to a loud banging sound. It had made her jump and she frantically looked around her blonde hair flying in wild tendrils around her face. She looked around to see George standing in front of her grinning. Lilly pulled the blanket tighter around her. "What do you want George?" Lilly snapped with annoyance and anger. "It's time to play another game. No we aren't hunting yet Lilly, but soon." George said smiling sadistically.  
"What kind of game?" Lilly said softly slightly trembling as she pulled the blanket tighter around her. George saw this and his smile grew. He enjoyed making girls uncomfortable. It reminded him of all the good time he had creeping out his mom with his favorite song. "Sunshine on my shoulders". Lilly visibly cringed at the site of his smile.  
Without warning George snatched the blanket off her naked form. Lilly gasped loud enough to draw a chuckle from George. "Don't sorry Lilly dear this is only going to hurt a lot." George smirked calmly as she already looked fearful. George quickly backhanded Lilly causing her to cry out in utter shock and surprise. George enjoyed hitting her skin and further enjoyed the red mark that appeared on her pale porcelain skin. George yanked her arm and pulled her off the bed. Lilly whimpered as she stood naked in front of George.  
Her cheek stung but she refused to cry even though her eyes were filling up with tears. He full blown punched Lilly in the stomach causing her to stumble backwards and fall. She crash landed onto the floor in a heap of limbs. She coughed and sputtered, trying to catch her breath. George laughing and quickly dropped his pants. Lilly couldn't move and could barely catch her breath as George suddenly and viciously yanked her onto his hard penis.   
She screamed in pain as he slammed into her. Lilly lost it and began crying. She couldn't believe he was doing this to her. She felt like her insides were being torn apart. Lilly cried even more as she realized George wasn't wearing a condom and hadn't the first time either. She could be pregnant and there was no way she wanted to have his baby. She'd rather die. In fact she just might. The possibility was so high Lilly could almost taste the dirt in her mouth. 

George thrusted in and out as Lilly sobbed, pushed, and kicked to try and distance herself from the pain. George loved watching her breasts rock back and forth as he pushed inside her. In fact George was starting to think Lilly might just be the best piece of ass he had in a long time. George sweated and pounded away at her until he released inside her. He quickly slapped her again one last time before saying  
"Valens sure is missing out on something great here. You're a good fuck." Lilly curled up in a ball on the floor and cried as George walked back into the dark and through a door leading to somewhere Lilly didn't know. 

Lilly wanted nothing more than to be home with her cats curled up in bed waking up from having a nightmare instead of living it.   
"Scotty, we have a clue!" Stillman shouted. "How???" Scotty asked surprised. "George sent it to us Scotty. I'm going to forewarn you, it's not a pretty site." Stillman whispered, anger filling his voice "what is it? Who sent it?" Scotty said quickly trying to keep the despair out of his voice. "George did." Stillman said with frustration. Scotty paled considerably, what could George have sent them about Lilly? He was unsure if he really wanted to know what George had sent. Whatever it was, it was guaranteed to be bad.   
Scotty gasped as he laid eyes on the site of Lilly's face bruised and bleeding as she lay on the ground curled up in a ball. Everyone could visibly tell she was naked, but the way she was curled up covered everything from their eyes. Everything but the dark purple bruise that had formed on her side that stood out in sharp contrast with her pale porcelain skin. Scotty could feel the overwhelming anger building up again. He couldn't resist he punched the wall.   
The feel of his fist colliding with the wall provided relief from his feelings if only for a little bit. "Scotty, we are gonna get her back. We know she's somewhere in the dark and there happens to be a little window." Stillman said softly with determination. "It has to be somewhere George would have a connection to." Nick said with eyes casted downward out of respect for Lilly. "Wait! Somewhere George has a connection..." Will trailed off.  
"It can't be this simple can it?" Will suddenly said. Scotty looked around surprised. He knew what will was going to say. "It's his fucking childhood home!" Scotty shouted. "That's where he murdered his mother." Nick said solemnly. "And where he burried the heads." Stillman said. "Let's roll." Scotty said sharply.   
Lilly knew she was going to die especially when George walked back into the room. He made her dress before a landed a swift kick into her gut. 

Lilly couldn't breath. She was sputtering and coughing on the floor when George kicked her again. She took a sharp intake of breath before saying "George just kill me already." "Ha-ha where's the fun in that?" George said mockingly. "I'm done playing your game either kill me or let me leave." Lilly said sharply her voice filled with anger. "Let's make a call first then maybe." He said abruptly.  
He quickly switched Lilly's phone on and dialed a number. "You son of a bitch!" Scotty bellowed into the phone. "I'd watch it detective or I'll kill her sooner than planned." George snapped back. "Fine George what do you want?" Scotty whispered. Little did George know Stillman was listening in the background as they drove in the car. "Scotty, I'm sorry for what I said I didn't mean any of it!" Lilly sobbed.  
At the sound of her voice broken and scared he lost it. Some tears broke away and drifted unchecked down his cheek. "I'm sorry too Lilly." Scotty whispered. She could hear his voice thick with unshed tears.  
"Boss, you there?" Lilly asked suddenly. "I'm here Lil" he whispered. "Thank you for being the closest thing I have to a father. Thank you for saving me when I was ten and for being there when I needed you." Lilly spoke softly full of emotion. "Lilly don't say that. Don't say goodbye I will find you." Stillman spoke with determination. 

"Maybe you will maybe you won't." George said laughing. "You son of a bitch!" Lilly shouted as she pushed George backwards. "Lil, what's going on?!" Scotty shouted. Lilly kicked George repeatedly. He caught her leg during one of the swings and knocked her down. 

Stillman and Scotty in one car and Nick and will in the other pulled up right outside of Georges childhood home. Guns drawn ready for a fight. They were fearful because shortly after the fighting noises began the call disconnected. They didn't know if they would make it in time to save Lilly. They could only hope even if it seemed hopeless.   
"All talk and no action George? What, you aren't man enough?" Lilly shouted trying to egg George on. She wasn't sure if she was trying to get him to kill her or to distract him to prevent him from hurting her again. He quickly responded by slapping her which sent her flying backwards a foot.  
"Poor little Lilly, your too scared and won't admit it so you pretend to challenge me. Ha Clever" George spoke loud enough. Little did he know Stillman and Scotty were creeping up the stairs with guns drawn listening to every word.


	3. Hopeless 3

Stillman and Scotty in one car and Nick and will in the other pulled up right outside of Georges childhood home. Guns drawn ready for a fight. They were fearful because shortly after the fighting noises began the call disconnected. They didn't know if they would make it in time to save Lilly. They could only hope even if it seemed hopeless.  
"All talk and no action George? What, you aren't man enough?" Lilly shouted trying to egg George on. She wasn't sure if she was trying to get him to kill her or to distract him to prevent him from hurting her again. He quickly responded by slapping her which sent her flying backwards a foot.  
"Poor little Lilly, your too scared and won't admit it so you pretend to challenge me. Ha Clever" George spoke loud enough. Little did he know Stillman and Scotty were creeping up the stairs with guns drawn listening to every word.  
Stillman and Scotty could hear George bellowing at Lilly. As they crept up the stairs, they could make out more and more of what they were saying.   
"George your a sick son of a bitch!" Lilly shouted her voice filled with disgust. Scotty could hear the edge in her voice. The tears she was trying to hold back. Along with the revolting disgust. "I would watch what you say little Lilly or we are about to get a repeat of when you were ten." George shouted at Lilly. "Why don't you just do it already" Lilly yelled. "Is it because your scared George? Not man enough?" She said as she egged him further and further on. "I think you and I both know I'm man enough." George sneered.   
Scotty cringed but tried not to think too hard on what George had just said. Stillman's face paled as he glanced back at Nick and Will who were both visibly upset. "Boss we got to get up there now." Scotty whispered. "Let's go for it." Stillman whispered back. They all knew George had done something unthinkable to their friend, their coworker, and their detective. They climbed the stairs even farther up. They only had two more steps to go when it happened. Something horrible.  
Lilly felt hopeless as she stared at George. He wasn't going to let her free and he never will. She knew that and wasn't sure she wanted it to be any other way. "Do it George! Now!" Lilly shouted. "I'm never getting out of here alive so just do it." "Weak little Lilly just begging to be shot now. I hate when they stop fighting." George whispered angrily as he aimed the weapon at Lilly. Just as he was about to pull the trigger the door swung open. He jumped in surprise and the gun went off. Then more guns. 

*bang bang bang*   
George never knew what hit him or who hit him. Nick and Stillman looked down at George who lay dead on the ground two gunshots to the chest. "No!" Scotty shouted as his eyes laid on Lilly. She was pale as can be laying half against the way half on the ground gunshot wound to her abdominal area.   
Scotty rushed forward putting pressure on the wound as tears trickled down his face. "Lil? Can you hear me?" He asked sadly. "Scotty?" Lilly asked weakly her eyes drooping. "Lil, I'm so sorry" Scotty cried. "just leave me" she whispered. Will cringed at the site of Lilly's blood all over the ground pooling beneath her. It mixed in with the dust and dirt. "Lilly, you're going to be okay the ambulance is on the way." Stillman said as he neared her.   
He couldn't lose his best detective the girl who's career he had watched since she had first joined the academy. They had met when she was ten and he was assigned to solve her case and get rid of the bad man who had broken her jaw. He loved her like she was his own daughter. He couldn't lose her like this. This was his fault in a way. He brought Lilly to homicide and thats where she met George. It was all his fault.  
Lilly laid on the floor, the pain she felt was slowly floating away. She was going numb. She knew it was a bad sign to feel numb. No pain just numb. She was dying. She looked up at her squad and the tears started trailing down her face. Scotty was sobbing as he put pressure on her wound. The feel of his warm hands on her body made her cry harder for a different reason. Even though his touch was different than George's her skin still crawled.   
"Lil, you're going to make it. I promise." Scotty cried. Scotty didn't care that they were watching him cry. He didn't care about anything except Lilly bleeding out on the floor. "Scotty.... " Lilly said but trailed off. Everything was starting to get dimmer. Her vision was fading fast. Scotty could see the light fading out of her blue eyes before they closed. He thought they would open again but they didn't. She was barely breathing. She heard footsteps fast approaching and muffled voices calling out medical things before she was being lifted. She felt light as a feather.   
Scotty had quickly backed away when the paramedics arrived. Instead of leaving he watched and silently cried. Everyone had tears in their eyes as Lilly's limp body was carried away and brought to the hospital.   
"She's not dead Scotty." Stillman said after they had arrived at the hospital. Scotty knew she wasn't but He couldn't help but picture her laying there. The light drifting out of her eyes. The blood pooling everywhere. So much blood, too much blood. The blood covered His shirt and pants and had dried there. He was so covered in it, it looked like he had killed her. Watching the life slowly fade out until She had become unconscious made him feel like he had. This was going to be a long night and the wait might just kill him.   
Scotty remained silent as they all waited in the waiting room. "Scotty I brought you some clothes." Nick vera said as he walked up. Everyone was sick of looking at the blood and so was Scotty. He just stared and stared at it as memory after memory of his partnership with Lilly flashed through his head. "Thanks" Scotty said in a low dead flat voice. He quickly got up and with red rimmed eyes he went and found the mens room to change.   
He called his mom explaining what had happened. She had cried a little bit then prayed with him over the phone. Hearing his moms voice was just what he needed. It made him feel hopeful. He thanked her and said he'd keep her posted before hanging up. When he made it back to the others a doctor was talking to them. "How is she?" Scotty rushed out. "We lost her on the table during surgery, but we managed to get her back." The Doctor said sadly. "When will she be up?" Scotty asked hopeful. "We don't know. She's in a coma right now. There's a chance she won't recover. She lost a lot of blood. I'm so sorry."  
The Doctor said then shifted from foot to foot as if unsure of what she had to say next. "We uhh oh god I dont know how to say this..... We noticed some bruising on her thighs. So we ran a rape kit. It came back positive for fluids and tearing..... It happened more than once it looked like. Did you get the bastard?" She has spoken softly until she asked abruptly. "If he wasn't dead I'd kill him myself." Will spoke sharply.   
"Oh god. He did that to her?" Scotty said tears filling his eyes again. The doctor nodded sadly. "I met Lilly once before as well. I took care of her mom a couple of times. She needs all of you right now. We are going to move her to a private room in the ICU Where all of you will be allowed to visit her. I'll make sure of that." She whispered softly before walking away.   
Scotty slumped over in a chair tears filling his eyes. He felt so hopeless. He was losing her and he knew it. He could pray all he wanted and hope and wish, but she may never recover. If she did she'd be left with horrible dreadful memories. Memories full of George raping her. Scotty knew one thing with all of his heart, when she woke up he would be there. He would be there for as long as she would let him and when she was ready he would love Lilly. Tears silently slid down Scotty's cheeks as he thought about Lilly and he realized why she had said to leave her there.


	4. Hopeless 4

Hours later.....  
Scotty walked into a room so white it hurt his eyes. He squinted at the white walls everything smelled like bleach. He stopped suddenly as he saw a very pale, small figure laying on the bed in the middle of the room. Lilly looked so frail in the middle of the bed. Scotty couldn't help but think about what George had done to her. The sick bastard had raped her. He hadn't done it just once, but many times. If he wasn't dead Scotty would kill him himself. Nobody should have touched Lilly like that. Scotty touched her hand and took a seat by the bed. He wanted to sit and wait until she woke up. He wanted her to know everything would be okay. Little did he know even though Lilly was in a coma she could hear everything and her mind was racing.  
Lilly could feel Scotty holding her hand and it comforted her as she relived everything that had happened over the past two days. George had raped her repeatedly and all she could think about was it. It was consuming her thoughts and her mind and she wasn't even fully awake yet and wasn't sure if she wanted to ever be again. How could she deal with it if everyone knew what happened. She was sure by now everyone knew including Scotty. Speaking of Scotty, all she currently could hear was Scotty rambling. It was comforting. "Lil, remember when I had first joined the squad and how I was so mad to be working the cold jobs?" He whispered nervously at first like he was unsure. Lilly wished she could answer back, but instead her mind listened numbly. "Ha-ha those were good times. Remember when we first met? Do you want to know what my first thought was?" Scotty asked even though he knew no one would answer. "My first thought was my partners a girl??? Then it was god damn she is so beautiful. The way her eyes light up while working on a job the way she fights for the poor, and for those no one wants to help. God how am I going to work with her without falling in love?" He whispered with an air of happiness to him. He glanced down at her hair vaguely noticing it had been washed and brushed out. He smoothed it into place over her shoulders the way she had recently started wearing it. "Want to know the answer, lil?" Scotty asked gently. "I couldn't. There was no way I could work with you without falling for you. I ended up falling for you, but I did bad things to get you to notice me. I didn't sleep with your sister either. I dated her but I refused to sleep with her. Not when all I thought about was you and now look at us. We weren't even speaking when George got to you. I should have just come clean to begin with. I should have." Scotty whispered bitterly. Lilly's brain went into overdrive.   
'He loves me? He actually admitted he loves me?' Lilly tried to reach out her limb but it wouldn't lift or reach. In her mind she was crying of sheer joy, but then terror crept in. Would Scotty even want her after what happened? She was almost positive he wouldn't which made her hate George even more.  
"Lil, I know this might not mean much to you, but I still love you. I'm not sure you want to hear that or you'll even want that after everything that just took place. I want to be there for you. I want to be with you and I know you probably don't want to be dating anyone but I'll wait for you. As long as it takes I'll wait for you." Scotty said hope filling his voice.   
'He's gonna wait for you!!! Would you risk everything to be with him? Would you want to be with him after George?' Lilly said to herself in her head. Lilly was getting mad and upset. Her limbs wouldn't move at all not even when she tried to reach out to Scotty.   
Scotty glanced at her face it almost looked like Lilly was concentrating on something even though she couldn't be. There was no way. She was unconscious, in a coma for Pete's sake. But still she looked like she was. Scotty decided not to dwell upon it. "Remember when, I finished working the first couple cases with you? That's when I had decided even with the cold jobs it was one of the best jobs in the world. It brings you a sense of happiness that you can provide some sort of relief to a family who deserves it." Scotty paused and never continued because a minute later Stillman appeared. "Hey mind if I visit her a bit?" He asked nervously. "I'll go get a coffee." Scotty said before leaving to give Stillman some alone time with his wounded detective.   
Stillman couldn't believe how pale and cold her hands were. Her face looked like all the blood had been drained out of it. Even though Lilly's eyes were closed he could still tell Her eyes were still red and splotchy from crying. "Lilly, I'm so sorry." Stillman said softly and paused before quickly adding, "this is all my fault. You wouldn't be here if it weren't for me. You would never had met George if I hadn't brought you to homicide." He hung his head in shame. Wondering why he couldn't have saved her.   
'Boss this isn't your fault. It's nobodies' Lilly's voice in her head said. She wished he could hear her. She wanted nothing more than to see her father figure and to tell him it wasn't his fault. She started getting angry her arms and legs wouldn't move. Her mouth wouldn't work, nothing would. She needed to be better.   
"Lilly, please don't leave us. The doctors said its up to you whether you want to stay or go, but please stay. I know things will be tough but it would make all of us the happiest people in the world if you would just wake up and smile one more time. Lilly I need you to know you've always been like a daughter to me and that I love you. I know I technically only have 1 kid but you have become my 2nd. Please get well." Stillman said before kissing her forehead and leaving just as Nick vera showed up. "My turn boss?" Nick asked. Stillman nodded before leaving.   
"Lilly, you need to pull through." Vera said gently. "Want to know why? Because we can't do this without you. How are we ever going to be a team without you? We just can't." Nick said as Will Jefferies walked in. "Lilly, you know he's right. You damn near gave me a heart attack. We can't be philly homicide without you. If you give up and die I'll retire. Scotty will transfer out or get a new job so will Nick. Stillman will retire to. Nobody wants to do that, but your death will be one of the biggest losses we will have to face." Jeffries said slowly as not to scare Nick. "I miss her" Nick said depressingly as tears filled his eyes. "She's going to be okay man. Plus Lilly doesn't want one of those cheesy cop memories at Jones tavern so she won't die." Jefferies stated with a laugh. Nick started laughing for the first time since Lilly had gone missing. "God she'd role over in her grave and haunt the shit out of all of us. Lilly would be like 'why would you let them do that??!' How would we even explain that?" Nick asked with humor. Lilly felt like laughing, they knew her too well. She didn't want one of those cheesy cop memories. She never would want it even if she died on the job. She loved these guys with all of her heart and she didn't want to give up on them.   
Scotty and Stillman then came back in the room with coffees for everyone from the local coffee shop. One that will and Scotty had been to frequently before work. "Lilly would be really happy to see all of us here for her. We have been the closest thing to family she has. So thank you." Stillman said to his crew. "Maybe we should let her rest." Jeffries said in a boss like tone.   
"N-nnno" they heard a muffled voice say. They all abruptly turned toward the bed to see Lilly eyes wide open bluer than they could ever remember. She was staring at them. "Stay." She whispered tears filling her eyes.   
"Lilly!" Scotty shouted out of surprise and happiness. "I... I heard you all.... I kept trying to wake myself up and couldn't. It was so scary. I finally woke up." Lilly whispered honestly. "Lil, we are glad your awake let us go get the doctor." Stillman said slowly. Lilly nodded weakly. Some color had returned to her face but she felt so weak and tired. She started driving off again as the Doctor came in. "Ms. Rush, how are you feeling?" The Doctor asked gently. "Tired.... Sore. How badly was I shot?" Lilly asked abruptly. "It was bad. You'll be okay. You were in a coma for less than a day after you were shot. But your wound will need more time to heal." The doctor said shocked that she was coherent enough to ask. "Lilly you need to rest." The doctor said but when she looked over Lilly had already passed out. "Let's leave her alone now guys." Stillman said gently. "Let's go get some lunch." Scotty said gently. "I'll buy." He offered. With that everyone went out to lunch and let Lilly sleep.  
One thing Scotty hoped Lilly hadn't heard was his confession about his feelings. Lilly had heard though just like she knew he had been here since she had gotten out of surgery. Even during surgery she felt him near almost like he was In the waiting room. She secretly hoped he had been


	5. Hopeless 5

~ "Lilly would be really happy to see all of us here for her. We have been the closest thing to family she has. So thank you." Stillman said to his crew. "Maybe we should let her rest." Jeffries said in a boss like tone.

"N-nnno" they heard a muffled voice say. They all abruptly turned toward the bed to see Lilly eyes wide open bluer than they could ever remember. She was staring at them. "Stay." She whispered tears filling her eyes.  
"Lilly!" Scotty shouted out of surprise and happiness. "I... I heard you all... I kept trying to wake myself up and couldn't. It was so scary. I finally woke up." Lilly whispered honestly. "Lil, we are glad your awake let us go get the doctor." Stillman said slowly. Lilly nodded weakly. Some color had returned to her face but she felt so weak and tired.~

Scotty walked back to her room after lunch. Lilly was sleeping or at least looked like it so Scotty gently grabbed her hand. Lilly whimpered slightly but didn't wake up. What happened next broke his heart. Lilly started squirming around in bed. Then started whispering and sputtering "no!"

"Lil, its me! Scotty your partner, your okay! I promise your safe" Scotty said jumping up to his feet so he was standing by her bed. Lilly woke up and began bawling. "Lilly shhhh your safe I got you." Scotty whispered as he held her close. He smelled her hair as he kissed her forehead and she smelled like lavender. "Shh lil, I got you." Scotty whispered again while staring in her eyes. "Can I tell you about it?" Lilly asked in a low voice. Scotty stood in surprise. "You want me to know?" Scotty asked gently. "Yes... Scotty we need to talk too... I heard everything you said..." Lilly trailed off. "But I need to tell you about this." Lilly continued.

Lilly braced herself to finally tell someone not just anyone but the man she loved. Her heart was hammering in her chest she took a deep shuddering breath. "Lil, you don't need to tell me if its too hard to say." Scotty said gently. He didn't want her to regret telling him. "No I need to tell you." Lilly whispered. "George followed me home from PPD. He must have planned it because his car was parked near my house. I knew something was wrong Scotty. I could feel it. I heard footsteps behind me and that's when he pressed a gun in my side and laughed. 'Hello Lilly' he said. I panicked and didn't fight him. I just let him lead my to his car." Lilly trembled as she began telling her story. Scotty watched Lilly with concern. He hated the way George made her tremble and the tears that were currently cascading down her face was his fault too. "When we got to the house he put the gun to my head and made me strip." Lilly said as the edge in her voice got a little more noticeable. Tears that once came down her face slowly poured down in torrents. "He put his hands on me and pushed me backwards onto a bed. He climbed on top of me and pinned me down andthen set the gun down. I could feel him... Against my thigh" Lilly sobbed. "Shhh its okay Lilly we can stop now. You don't have to say anything else." Scotty whispered tears forming in his eyes.

"He raped me twice the whole time I was with him. It hurt so much. All I kept thinking about was whether or not I'd ever see any of you ever again and then after the 2nd time I thought maybe it wouldn't be so bad to die..." Lilly broke off sobbing. "Shhh Lilly I don't blame you for feeling that way. He did a horrible thing to you. I wish I could have gotten my head out of my ass long enough to save you." Scotty whispered the tears trickling down his face. "I tried to fight him so hard. He beat me the last time. I have bruises everywhere. I still can picture his face hovering over me, hurting me. I just couldn't let him do it anymore so I pushed him and pushed him to shoot me." Lilly said quickly. "I wanted to die." She said slowly making eye contact with Scotty as she did so. He could see in her blue eyes that she wasn't lying.

Unbeknownst to both of them Stillman had overheard her story even when she talked about the rapes. He was glad George was dead or he would kill George himself. He couldn't believe what that monster had done to his detective who was practically his daughter. He walked away to give himself some time to think. He was so angry that he went straight to the PPD and began filing his report. He didn't disclose the rape. He didn't think everyone had a right to know anything about what had happened unless Lilly saw fit.

Meanwhile, Scotty cried a little more after he knew she was having bad thoughts. "Lilly, promise me you won't try anything?" Scotty asked. "I.. I promise." Lilly whispered being caught off guard that Scotty knew exactly what she had been thinking about. "Can we talk about what you said earlier?" Lilly asked abruptly. "Uhhh what about it?" Scotty asked. "Did you mean everything you said? Everything about me and us and how you feel?" She asked trying to act like she wasn't hopeful. Scotty quickly saw right through her and knew she indeed did care. "Lil, I never did anything with Christina. Sure we were seeing each other but I refused to sleep with her because I only had feelings for one girl. The girl whose so passionate about her job she could practically be called a crusader of justice. A girl whose eyes are as big and blue as the ocean, whose smile lights up the room, whose laugh is the best medicine in the world, and who completes me like no one else ever could. That girl is you, Lilly Rush. I'm in love with you." Scotty whispered with this admiration in his voice. "You... You love me?" Lilly asked suddenly. "Even after all of this?" She whispered tears of sadness leaking out of her eyes. "I love you and nothing and no one could ever change that." Scotty whispered back before grabbing her face and gently kissing her check.

Lilly tensed up a bit and Scotty noticed. "I'm sorry." He said while pulling away looking horrified by his actions. "I just need some time Scotty." Lilly said gently before crying hysterically. "Lilly, shhh its okay what's wrong?" Scotty asked surprised at her sudden change in moods. "He.. He told me the last time that you were missing out on a lot because I was a good fuck..." Lilly sobbed inot Scotty's shoulder. She could feel Scotty tense with rage. "I'm so sorry Lilly." Scotty whispered while rubbing her back. "I would never treat you like that anyway. You're more to me than a 'good fuck' as George put it. In fact I'm not interested in that, I only want you to feel better!" Scotty said in a steady honest voice while looking into her eyes. Lilly knew Scotty was telling the truth. "I want to be there for you Lilly!" Scotty said excitedly. "I want you to be here for me." Lilly whispered back. She surprised herself with how honest she was being. Scotty blinked in surprise, he hadn't expected her to say that. She was such a strong woman who suddenly suffered through some unfortunate incident that had knocked her down. She wasn't as confident as she used to be. Even Lilly could tell this incident had changed her.

Lilly didn't know if she could ever be that confident again. She didn't know if she could be the way she used to be. All Lilly knew is she was going to try with all her heart to be all she could be. Before she limited herself and acted like she was the ice queen. Not anymore. She had almost died as she was determined to change her ways so she wouldn't end up like her mom.

Authors note: Hey! Let me know what you think! Should I continue this story? Anything else you want to add Feel Free! Thanks for reading!


	6. Hopeless 6

Lilly didn't know if she could ever be that confident again. She didn't know if she could be the way she used to be. All Lilly knew is she was going to try with all her heart to be all she could be. Before she limited herself and acted like she was the ice queen. Not anymore. She had almost died so she was determined to change her ways so she wouldn't end up like her mom.

Scotty couldn't believe Lilly had told him everything. He was so angry at the pain she had to feel those two days. The pain George made her feel. If he wasn't already dead, Scotty would have killed him himself after hearing that. Scotty realized now more than ever he needed to be there for Lilly.

A week soon flew by for Lilly. It had been a long sleepless week with so many nightmares of George. George chasing her down a dark alley. George hunting her. George on top of her and in her. All she felt was pain. She had just gotten released from the hospital. Her bullet wound had healed for the most part. At least just enough for her to go home. Scotty had been over frequently to take care of the cats, so frequently that the cats looked forward to him coming over. Lilly missed olivia and tripod. Now she was heading home with Scotty. Scotty was driving her home but kept giving her little sideways glances.

Something unreadable was on his face. "What?" Lilly asked suddenly. "Nothing." Scotty muttered. "Whatever." Lilly snapped. She was getting more nervous and jittery by the second. She recognized more and more of the surrounds. Aeras she had walked and George had followed her. "Lil, are you sure your okay? To go back i mean." Scotty asked. "I want to go home Scotty." Lilly whispered tears gleaming in her eyes. Scotty gulped back guilt as he pulled up outside her apartment. Lilly saw her red door gleaming in the sun. She jumped out of the car without paying attention to Scotty. She was shaking like a leaf even Scotty saw so. That's why he was following closely behind her.

Lilly stumbled and Scotty caught her. "Let go of me." Lilly snapped. Her skin was crawling she didn't want to be touched. "I'm sorry." Scotty whispered. Everything he did seemed to be wrong to her. He just quickly let go of her and opened her apartment door with his key. He waited for her to walk in before he entered nervously and closed the door. "I can leave now if you want" Scotty muttered. He felt like he was losing her, but maybe he was being too overbearing. "Look I'm sorry." Lilly whispered. "I'm scared... I..." Lilly muttered as the cats surrounded her. They were very happy to see Lilly.

Scotty quickly charged toward Lilly. "I'm sorry. Lil, you are going to be fine. I'm going to be here for you, I promise." Scotty whispered honestly. He couldn't bear to see her like this. "Can you stay?" Lilly asked tears begining to trickle down her face. She hated looking so weak and she hated the begging. Scotty looked shocked at her pleading. "Lilly, of course. I'll stay," Scotty promised and smiled. "I would never leave you." He said sofly. "Promise?" Lilly asked so softly. "Lilly, I swear on my life." Scotty whispered.

"Thank you." Lilly muttered hugging him closely. Scotty was taken aback by the hug. He hadn't expected Lilly to hug him close like that especially not after what had happened. Lilly pulled away and turned on her heel. She took two steps towards the bedroom before she looked back and hesitated. "Scotty... I'm tired... I don't know if i can sleep alone... Can you come with me?" Lilly asked nervously, eyes cast downwards. "Of course, Lil." Scotty exclaimed. Lilly didn't know why, but Scotty's presence made her feel safe and happy. Lilly walked to her room Scotty trailing behind her. Lilly laid down on her bed with it's dark red covers. Scotty pulled the comforter over her body up to her arms.

Scotty walked over the the other side took off his shoes and climbed under the covers next to her. Scotty noticed Lilly seemed happy as they were facing each other. "you know your beautiful right?" Scotty said softly. He couldn't help himself. He had to say it because she was gorgeous. Lilly laughed at him. "What?" He asked pretending to be hurt. "Nothing." Lilly laughed. He couldn't resist again. He loved hearing her laugh so much so that he began tickling her. Lilly shrieked and squeeled she was laughing so hard. She couldn't remember the last time she was this happy. She was so happy she rolled on top of him.

Instantly they went from laughing hysterically to giving each other sheepish smiles. Scotty looked up at Lilly almost expectantly. Lilly's eyes gleamed brightly as she leaned down and pressed her lips against Scotty's. They melded together softly and pleasurably. Her lips against his. Scotty wrapped one arm around her waist and the other gently toying with her hair. Lilly's hands found their way over Scotty's chest then down to the hem of his shirt. Lilly lifted it up slightly while still kissing Scotty she felt her way up his muscular chest. She could feel the defined ridges and muscles of his chest. Finally they broke the kiss both breathing heavily. Lilly had a strange gleam in her eye as she stared down at him. Lilly randomly began unbuttoning his shirt until finally his tan abs gleamed in front of her. She craved to have the memories of George inside her to be earased and she had just an idea of how to do that.

Authors note: Sorry I know i haven't updated in a while. I haven't been well recently. I get chronic migraines and can't focus very well, but anyway I promise I'll be better about keeping it updated. lol It's also my senior year of highschool. Who knows where the time has gone. Thanks for the reviews! P.S sorry for the cliffhanger!


	7. Hopeless 7

Disclaimer: I don't own them!

Finally they broke the kiss both breathing heavily. Lilly had a strange gleam in her eye as she stared down at him. Lilly randomly began unbuttoning his shirt until finally his tan abs gleamed in front of her. She craved to have the memories of George inside her to be earased and she had just an idea of how to do that. 

"Can I?" Scotty asked motioning towards her shirt. Lilly blushed but nodded. Scotty unbuttoned her shirt and quickly yanked it off of her. "Your beautiful." He muttered staring apecreiatively at her milky white flesh. She had on a light blue lacey bra that contrasted with her skin so nicely. Scotty quickly undid the back of her bra and rolled her over so he was on top.

Lilly could feel his arousal pressing into her thigh through his pants and for some reason this pleased her. Scotty pulled her bra away from her body. He reached out and gently touched her skin and her breasts. Lilly shivered beneath his touch. She still craved more. Nervously Lilly reached between them and touched the waist of Scotty's pants.

Scotty froze, he knew he couldn't let Lilly do this. "Lilly... I" Scotty started to say before he let out a gasp as Lilly touched him. By the time he had started to say what he wanted Lilly had his pants unzipped and was grasping him through his boxers. Lilly could feel it throbbing and pulsating with need.

Lilly kissed him and continue stroking him through the thin material. Scotty quickly broke off the kiss. "Lilly, no... this isn't right. We shouldn't... not now." Scotty panted. "Scotty make me forget him..." Lilly said softly with honesty in her voice. Scotty could see she honestly wanted him to, but he needed to be sure. "You want to?" Scotty asked surprised.

"Make love to me." Lilly whispered. She wanted to forget even for a little while and just be with someone who loved her. "we can stop anytime just say when." Scotty whispered stroking her face. Lilly nodded and rolled Scotty over surprising him. She began unbuttoning her pants and striped them off. Scotty rolled Lilly back over and then pulled his own down. Soon only their underwear remained. Lilly striped Scotty's boxers off and gasped.

He was huge. Scotty was very well emdowed. Just looking at him made Lilly feel hot all over. Scotty stroaked Lilly all over. From her neck to her knees until she was buzzing. Scotty gently licked her nipple causing her to moan. Scotty slowly moved lower and lower licking and kissing all the way until he got to her underwear. Scotty smirked at her as he pulled her blue lacey undies off.

Then without warning he lifted her legs and gently pulled them apart and began licking at her. "uhh... uhhh Scotty." Lilly moaned. Scotty loved the taste of her so he kept licking at her letting his tounge explore her. Lilly had never felt a pleasure quite like this. Sure she had let some guys go down on her but none of them made her feel the way Scotty could and was doing. "Scotty" Lilly whinned with need.

Scotty stopped and licked his lips before crawling up to kiss Lilly. Lilly grabbed a condom and quickly placed it on him. She slowly spread her legs as he climbed between them. He positioned himself just outside of her enterance. "Lil, You sure about this?" Scotty asked softly. Lilly nodded and smiled. Was she nervous? Hell yes, but she trusted him with all her heart.

Scotty slowly pushed into Lilly. Lilly moaned as he did which encouraged him further. "You okay?" Scotty asked after he pushed all the way in. "Mmmm yes." Lilly whispered. Scotty began to move inside her slowly. In out. In out In out. They both were panting as waves of pleasure washed over them.

"Faster" Lilly whispered. Scotty sped up and began panting faster and faster. Lilly could feel herself starting to get close to that invisible edge and she could tell by Scottys pants he was close too. Lilly quickly captured his lips and moaned into his mouth. Scotty ended the kiss and began kissing and nibbling on her neck which sent her over the edge.

Lilly came hard around Scotty which caused him to find his own release. They layed together panting for awhile. Then curled up together. "thank you." Lilly whispered as she curled up into Scotty's chest. Lilly was fast asleep curled up into Scotty's sweaty chest before he could even muster up a response. Soon after he fell asleep and dreamt about Lilly and their maybe life together.

Scotty was happy, Happier than he'd ever been. He was watching Lilly chasing her kids around. No scratch that their kids. Two boys and two girls ran around the yard with Lilly running behind them. Every now and again Lilly would look up and make eye contact with Scotty. He could see that her eyes, the deep blue ocean that they held were happy. She was happy.

They spent the day in bliss. Complete and total bliss. Motherhood suited Lilly really well. She loved the home they had purchased. "Scotty, wake up! Breakfast." Scotty heard from Lilly's voice. The image of her began fading away along with the kids.

Scotty opened his eyes and blinked at the bright lights to see Lilly wearing his shirt from last night. "Well don't you look nice." Scotty whispered, grinning from ear to ear. "Sounds like you had a very nice dream. you were mumbling my name in your sleep and talking about kids." Lilly said laughing.

Scotty turned bright red as he fully recalled what his dream had been. The family he wanted to make with her. He really already wanted to marry her. "Scotty come lets go get you something to eat. I made breakfast." Lilly said slowly. Her questioning gaze shook him out of his daydream of his future with her. "Yeah let's eat!" Scotty said cheerfully. Turns out things weren't so hopeless for Scotty and Lilly after all.

Authors note: Sorry! I couldn't help myself! Lots of smut in this chapter.


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